Healthy Ways to Cope with Grief

Shock. Anger. Guilt. Sadness. Grief affects everyone differently, and there is no one “right” way to go through grief. Grief hits you with a wide range of emotions, and it can also affect you physically, making it difficult to sleep, eat or even concentrate.

While grief is a highly individualized experience, there are healthy ways to cope with grief that can help ease your sadness and come to terms with your loss to help you move on with your life over time.

At Lower Cape Fear LifeCare, we have grief counseling and support services to help the entire family. From grief support to special resources designed to help you communicate with grieving children, we stand by you so you will never have to face this part of your journey alone. That’s why we’ve compiled this list of healthy ways you can cope with your grief.

5 Healthy Ways to Cope With Grief

1. Allow Yourself to Mourn

Allow yourself to mourn. Mourning is the public expression of grief. It is how you share your grief with those who are also grieving the loss or who want to support you. Religion, culture and personal belief can play apart in how people mourn. Mourning is critical in helping lessen the pain of grief and find a way forward after loss.

2. Take Care of Yourself!

Remember grief can manifest itself physically too through disrupted sleep. loss of appetite, lack of interest in everyday tasks, and problems concentrating. Consider connecting with others for meals or to take a walk can get you out and moving. If health issues persist, a trip to your doctor is a good idea.

3. Don’t Make Major Decisions

 Grief has a way of clouding decision-making abilities. Whenever possible, postpone making major decisions: taking a new job, moving to a new city, or making significant financial decisions. If you must make such decisions, reach out to a family member or trusted friend for input.

4. Get Support From Others

Get support from others. Although it is normal to feel all alone and want to withdraw from the world, the support of family, friends, and/or a spiritual leader can help you move past the severe initial stages of grief.

5. Get Professional Grief Counseling

Professional grief counseling may also help you find healthy ways to cope with your grief and ease the pain of loss. Lower Cape Fear LifeCare offers several counseling options for adults and children coping with grief including individualized counseling, grief support groups, workshops, healing art therapies, Family Days, and children’s camps.

Our grief support programs are open to anyone in the community, whether or not they were served by Lower Cape Fear LifeCare. Thanks to the generous gifts of our donors, grief support can begin free of charge.

Some Practical Tips for Dealing With Grief

While everyone grieves differently, there are some practical steps you can take to help yourself or a loved one dealing with loss. It may help to:

• Write a letter to your deceased loved one, expressing your feelings and emotions.
• Journal or create a scrapbook about special moments you shared. This may be particularly helpful in capturing your parent’s legacy.
• Speak to someone you trust and don’t keep your feelings bottled up inside. You may wish to share your thoughts with a member of the clergy, a friend or relative.
• Prepare for recurring grief, especially during birthdays or holidays.
• Lend an ear to others who may be experiencing grief. Often, it helps to spend time with someone who is also experiencing great loss.

Need to Schedule an Appointment With a Grief Counselor? Just Reach Out!

To schedule an appointment with a counselor or find out more about our grief support programs, call 910-796-7991. Our expert counselors are here to help you heal and move on with life.

But how do you get hospice grief counseling? Where do you begin? Don’t worry, we’ve outlined the entire process for you. 

How Can I Get Hospice Grief Counseling?

Hospice care doesn’t end when a loved one dies. Just as our team was there to support family members with anticipatory grief while a loved one was receiving our care; we are there to help them find a way to heal from their loss so that they can move forward in life.

Grief is a Natural Part of Loss

We understand that losing a loved one is distressing and accompanied by extreme sadness. It is only natural to grieve the loss of someone so important in your life. While grieving you may:

• Have problems concentrating
• Experience problems sleeping
• Have little appetite
• Feel guilty – thinking “I should have done…” or “If only I had…”
• Feel angry – at ourselves, those we feel are responsible, our God, or even the deceased themselves
• Experience numbness, loneliness, or extreme sadness when a memory is triggered
• Withdraw from normal activities and other relationships in our lives
• Isolate ourselves from the world

These are all a normal part of grieving.

THIS IS WHERE THE VIDEO FROM https://lifecare.org/news-events/how-can-i-get-hospice-grief-counseling/ WILL GO

It Will Take Time for Feelings of Grief to Subside

While there is no timetable for coping with the loss of a loved one, over time, you should be able to:

• Accept the reality of the death of your loved one
• Allow yourself to experience the pain and sadness associated with the loss of your loved one
• Adjust the daily routine of life without your loved one being present
• Move forward and establish new relationships

If these feelings and physical effects do not subside and feelings of depression take hold, you may be experiencing complicated grief. It is important to seek help if experiencing this type of grief.

Our Counselors Can Help You Find Healthy Ways to Cope with Grief. 

Through individual or group counseling, our counselors can offer ways to help you find a new normal after the loss of a loved one and move forward with your life. Counseling is available for 13 months after the death of a family member, free of charge. We encourage family members, especially those having problems getting past the feelings of intense grief, to take advantage of counseling.

Our counselors offer grief care for adults and children. Children grieve differently than adults and need counseling designed to meet the specific needs children have in coping with the death of someone special in their lives.

Counseling can:

• Help you understand that you have suffered a major loss and aid you in accepting the reality of that loss to move you forward in a life without your loved one.
• Help you identify and cope with any traumas associated with the death of your loved one.
• Offer you an objective point of view that allows you to talk freely about your loved one and relationship with him or her.
• Offer a safe environment to experience and explore your feelings of loss and grief.

Lower Cape Fear LifeCare Offers Grief Care to Anyone in Our Community

Grief care is also available to anyone in our community who has lost a loved one. Grief groups offer people the opportunity to talk about their feelings in a safe environment and learn that we are not alone in our feelings as we share with those who have had similar experiences. 

Lower Cape Fear LifeCare offers grief groups for those who have lost a spouse or partner, have lost a parent, are coping with the loss of an adult child, for those who have lost a loved one due to an opioid overdose, and even special grief groups for those facing the holidays and anticipating the grief they may trigger due to the loss of their loved one. 

Contact Us to Get the Care You Need

Getting the grief care you need is easy. Simply give us a call at 800-733-1476 to schedule individual counseling or register for an upcoming grief care group. One of our counselors will call to assess which type of care may be the best to meet your needs.

How Family Days Help Grieving Family Members

The length of time someone grieves over a missing loved one can be influenced by many factors, such as age, maturity and family background, along with their state of physical and mental health.

Lower Cape Fear LifeCare is dedicated to providing extensive resources on free grief counseling and grief group counseling sessions for families who have been touched by a significant and devastating loss. One of the many ways we help members of the community cope is through our Family Days programs.

Family Days are special opportunities that allow you to spend extended time around other families who are also struggling with grief and loss. We welcome young people of all ages, although they must be accompanied by a parent or guardian in order to participate.

Children grieve differently than adults and experience many emotions they’ve never had to face. They may feel they have no one to talk to about this. Therefore, children frequently feel all alone in their sadness and anger in having lost a loved one. Family Days are an opportunity to help families discuss their feelings over the loss of a loved one, and begin to heal. – Marty Hernandez, LCFL children’s counselor coordinator

The event includes time for any children in the families to play together and allow everyone to learn more about how grief affects the entire family and strategies to help cope with it. All families are invited, regardless of whether or not they were served by Lower Cape Fear LifeCare.

These Family Days are held in Brunswick, Columbus, Horry and Onslow counties. The event is free, but pre-registration is required. You can view a list of upcoming Family Days [link to: https://lifecare.org/grief-groups-workshops/ ] or other events on our calendar.

Healing Journey Newsletter

For our hospice families, we provide a free Healing Journey Newsletter for 13 months after a patients’ death. If your loved one has received services from Lower Cape Fear Hospice and you haven’t yet received your newsletter, please contact us at 910-796-7991.

Lower Cape Fear LifeCare  Can Help You Through Free Grief Counseling

One of the things that sets Lower Cape Fear LifeCare apart from other organizations is that we strive to be the main community educational resource for those facing life-limiting illnesses and those they love. We offer several free educational programs throughout the community, many of which are specifically targeted toward grief counseling and assisting veterans.

If you know someone who could benefit from hospice care, or if you are struggling with the death of a loved one, you can contact us for information on how we can best serve you.

20 Ways to Help a Grieving Child

The death of a loved one impacts the entire family, and everyone deals with grief in their own way. There is no one “right” way to go through this difficult time, but it’s important to realize that children often grieve differently than adults.

Therefore, we wanted to provide 20 different ways to comfort a grieving child. It’s also vital to understand that all children are different and finding an appropriate way to help them may take some time, listening and patience.

How to Comfort a Grieving Child

Grieving children may be helped by support groups, camps geared toward the needs of grieving children, appropriate gifts, and open and heartfelt discussions. Following are some ways to help a grieving child.

20 Ways to Comfort and Help a Grieving Child

1. Listen attentively

Remember that listening attentively can facilitate the healing process. Don’t try to “solve” their problem, but use reflective listening techniques to affirm that you are hearing the young person’s story. It’s so important to create a safe place for them to express themselves and tell their story.

2. Be honest and open—and feel free to say “I don’t know”

Children will sense if you’re not being honest and transparent with them. By being truthful, you can open the door for difficult, yet healing, conversations.

Likewise, there are many unknowns related to death and life. Understanding and modeling that you do not have all the answers can aid the grieving process. This creates a sense of safety and a sense of belonging. It communicates that you are all in there together not knowing, but that because you have each other it is better, and there is hope.

3. Speak to them in terms they understand

Age-appropriate conversations are very useful in opening the door to allow the child to freely express their feelings. This is often how the path to coping with grief begins.

4. Give the child a creative outlet

Often, activities such as drawing or keeping a journal can go a long way toward healing. Let the child express themselves through activities such as crafts, listening to music or even writing stories.

5. Maintain boundaries

Children—particularly those who are grieving—need consistency. This means holding them accountable for obeying rules. Be gentle and compassionate when children “act out,” but remind them that they are still responsible for making the right choices. This kind of consistency will give them a sense of permanence when their world is changing.

6. Affirm feelings

Often, when a loved one dies, young people have confusing, scary and new feelings. It’s important to affirm that these feelings are not right or wrong. By doing so, you can help young people in their acceptance of these feelings.

Do not try to change or “fix” their feelings.

7. Share your own feelings

It’s okay for your grieving child to know that you are also sad and struggling with your feelings. This will help them feel like they are not alone. Consider telling them stories about your own life and times when you were struggling with grief and what you learned from it.

8. Try to model calmness when talking about death

Children imitate what they see. If they see you working your way through grief through positive actions, they will often follow your example. In our culture, there is a lot of uncertainty and fear about death—and many young people can take on this fear.

Always be open and honest and be aware that the child is looking toward you for guidance.

9. Do not make assumptions

Remember that grief is an individual process, and everyone goes through it differently. Don’t assume that just because there are commonalities in the grieving of young people that your loved one will follow the same pattern.

10. Give appropriate gifts

How do you give appropriate gifts for a grieving child? Look for items that will honor the memory of the loved one. This is how you help a grieving child.

For example, you may order a stuffed animal or blanket made from the loved one’s clothing. You may purchase a “bereavement kit” that contains framed photos of happy memories and art supplies to encourage your child to find creative outlets for their grief. A pendant engraved with the name of their loved one is a good choice for some children.

11. Read books for a grieving child

There are several online resources that recommend books that deal with grief and the loss of a family member or loved one. We encourage you to read the book to the child, and be sure to answer any questions they might have.

We suggest:

• I Miss You
• The Goodbye Book
• Sad Isn’t Bad
• While We Can’t Hug

12. Participate in a grief support group geared toward children

It helps a child know that they are not alone in their grief. Sometimes talking to others provides support.

13. Share stories about the loved one who died

Sharing memories is often healing. Children are interested in what others were like as children and reliving some of the best moments from the past. Be sure to focus on happy memories.

14. Be patient

For both adults and children, processing grief takes time. The event transforms your very core, and it’s important to be patient both with the child and with yourself.

15. Do not underestimate the ability of young people to find their own answers

Expect that young people will have their own answers. Demonstrate a belief in their ability to resolve their own issues. When a setting is created where feelings are respected, young people will say what they need to hear themselves saying.

Sometimes this means allowing moments of silence or awkward pauses. Moments of quiet can indicate young people are thinking and processing and that is what you want to happen.

16. Reach out to others for support

If faith or religion is a source of strength for you, lean on help from your congregation or clergy. They will help both you and your child feel connected.

There are also professional therapists who specialize in assisting children. They can help your child cope with the multitude of emotions they’re experiencing

17. Listen to music

We’ve already mentioned how music can be a helpful creative outlet. One way it can help is by listening to songs that the loved one enjoyed. This is a different facet of the trip down memory lane.

Who knows? Maybe your loved one’s favorite song will become the child’s favorite.

18. Be direct when speaking about death

Children usually take things extremely literally. Therefore, if you explain that a loved one “went to sleep,” it may frighten the child, who will now be afraid to go to bed. By being direct and honest, you’re also helping the child develop coping skills.

19. Discuss the funeral

While funerals often provide closure, some children may not be ready for the intensity. Therefore, a child shouldn’t be forced or coerced to go to a funeral. However, if the child wants to go, give them an idea of what to expect.

20. Send them to one of our camps or support groups

Contact us for options for individual, in-school or camp programs. Pre-registration is required for most programs. Space is limited so those who are interested are encouraged to register early. There is no charge to participate. For more information or to register, call 910-796-7900.

Additional Resources from Lower Cape Fear LifeCare

If you’d like more resources on how to help a grieving child, you may want to review the following:

• Our guide to communicating with young people about grief and loss
• Our handout about talking to children when a cure is no longer expected
• Information on developmental understanding of death and grief

Lower Cape Fear LifeCare Provides Compassionate Relief for the Entire Family

We are dedicated to the patients in our care, and we realize that caring for the whole patient means caring for the entire family. When children are involved, it’s necessary to develop specific strategies to help them with their needs.

For more information on our grief support, just contact us or view our calendar of upcoming virtual grief support workshops.

10 Tips to Cope with Grief During the Holidays

For many, the holidays are a time of joy, laughter and celebration. However, for people who have lost a loved one, it can be a time when emotional pain is amplified and loneliness heightened as they face the prospect of a holiday without their loved one. Nothing can replace a loved one who has died, but there are some things that can help make the holiday season easier.

We understand this time of year is extremely difficult for so many, so we’ve compiled 10 tips to help you cope with grief during the holidays. 

1. Accept your feelings. 

Pay attention to and be honest with yourself about your feelings. Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling; name the feeling; write it down or say it out loud; and acknowledge that sadness, pain or whatever your feelings are – they are ‘your’ feelings. Allow yourself to feel them without guilt.

2. Share your feelings with family and/or close friends. 

It is important to stay connected. Use the telephone, Zoom, social media, etc. to communicate with family, friends, or members of your faith community. Don’t wait for others to reach out to you. Communicate your needs. 

If you don’t feel up to your usual holiday routine, say so. Be willing to step out of your feelings of loss of control by reaching out to others, which actually helps you regain a sense of control. Perhaps there are others in your community who are alone and isolated whom you might call.

3. If grieving, talk about your deceased loved one. 

It’s common for others to avoid mentioning the name of a deceased person to try to protect those who are grieving from additional emotional pain. Reminisce and do special things to memorialize the special person who died. 

Give a list of ways to memorialize them to other family members. Include the deceased loved one’s name in your holiday conversations. If you speak candidly about your loved one, others will recognize your need to remember them and will also talk about the person.

4. Be gentle with yourself. 

Give yourself permission to not live up to the expectations of others, or perhaps even your expectations of yourself (if you expect yourself to be just like you were during past holidays and/or before your loved one’s death). It is all right if you don’t please everyone. 

Be willing to adapt your usual routine. Listen to your heart. Remind yourself you can be “iffy” and change your mind about holiday celebrations. If earlier decisions don’t feel right as the time approaches, then make the necessary adjustments. 

Also, be aware of the importance of maintaining routines of self-care. Go for a walk, stretch, read a book, meditate, learn and practice relaxation techniques.

5. Change what needs to be changed. 

Remember there is no right or wrong way to celebrate the season. Changing routines that are part of your tradition can soften the pain: the time of gift exchange and opening of gifts, the meal together and services attended. Some may wish to follow family traditions, while others may choose to change them. 

It’s okay to do things differently. Because you skip the tradition this year does not mean that you cannot go back to it another time. Eliminate the unnecessary and focus on the essentials. 

After the holidays are over, have a time of reflection. The family may have missed some traditions that were set aside; therefore, you may want to restore some of them next year.

6. Set limitations.

 Realize that it isn’t going to be easy. Do the things that are important and special to you. Delegate or accept the offers of others to help wrap gifts, shop or address cards. Divide everything into small pieces: your shopping, your decorating, your cooking, your letter or card sending. 

Do not over-obligate and overwork yourself. Compromise, buy from online stores, limit the number of gifts you give, give cash or gift certificates.  Just take things a day at a time and do the best you can.

7. Express and explore your faith. 

It is not uncommon for theological issues to be raised during the holidays, especially after the death of a loved one. If you have questions or are having difficulties with your spiritual beliefs, talk with your religious leader. You will find him or her to be helpful, supportive and approachable. Rely on your spiritual values. This can be an opportunity to renew and deepen your faith even if attending services in-person is not an option this year.

8. Tap into your creativity. 

Often when individuals are stressed by grief associated with loss, there can be a loss of creativity. Make a decision to cook or bake something either you or your loved one used to cook/bake. Look at a website, e.g. Pinterest, for easy holiday decorations, Christmas gifts to make, or recipes to try. Involve others in your household and make it a special time together to remember your loved one and/or the simple joys that exist.

9. Celebrate you. 

Focus on your strengths, past successes, and some of the healthy coping skills utilized during your life’s journey. Remember: It’s not what you don’t have or what you can’t do, it’s what you do have and what you can do in the present.

10. Help others. 

Look for opportunities to invest yourself in helping others: call a lonely person, give to a food bank or shelter, adopt a child or senior in need and give them a special holiday. Take the focus off your pain and your troubles by investing yourself in helping others. After all, ‘giving’ is what the holiday season is about.

Most importantly, if you are having an exceptionally difficult time this holiday season, reach out to grief counselors, mental health providers or for religious support. Help is available and people do care.

 

Be SUPPORTED. Our grief care programs, for adults and children, are open to anyone in the community who has lost a loved one, whether or not they were served by Lower Cape Fear LifeCare. There is no charge to get this help.

No Matter Where You Are in the Grieving Process, Lower Cape Fear LifeCare Is Here to Support You

We’ve reviewed some practical ways to cope with grief in a healthy way. But we realize that no one method works for everyone. Experiencing grief is a highly individualized experience.

We want you to know that we’re here to help.

Through our extensive grief counseling services, we want you to know that we will never leave you to walk this part of your journey alone. Please do not hesitate to reach out for help. Just contact us and we’ll be happy to provide the information and support you need.